The Melodramatic Melman’s

1. Father : George {Fun Loving}
2. Mother : Catherine {Emotional Fool}
3. Daughter : Janet {The Only Sane Member}
4. Son : Richard {The Young Mischievous Member}
5. Grandfather : Jim {The Insufferable Story-Teller}
6. Grandmother : Margaret {The God-Fearing And Over Pious Lady}


[Father comes in crashing striding into the room and throws his briefcase onto the table, the grandmother starts praying frantically on her rosary, the mother is amazed by all this]
George: Guys guess what? I finally got to see an UFO. You should have seen its smooth and sleek lines, very captivating. And my god those little aliens not more than 4 and a half feet all draped in silver.
Jim: And by the way, did I tell you when I with your granny was hunting some Llamas in the Andes, We were abducted by some aliens ….
All: Oh! Not one of your hunting stories again.
Margaret: It was a very frightening and distressful experience but we relied on the Almighty’s mercy and due to our faith and belief in Him we were brought back on this magnificent earth
Catherine: Is this going to be a bad omen for us, will a calamity strike us soon? [Catherine starts crying, Richard is constantly throwing things at the family and pinching people]
Janet: [Holding her head in a dismayed fashion, rolling her eyes] really, dad the shiny material was mom’s silver foil and that I had lent to those so-called aliens, Linda and Daphne for their UFO making competition. They had won the first prize for it and were taking it home.


[Margaret and Jim are talking with other family members sitting]
Margaret: Jim, do you remember how we started our life as newly-weds, that 1940’s era was so full of tranquility and peace. The moments when we were coyly glancing at each other and traveling by a stage-coach to set up our new home and some bandits attacked us. How had they dragged our luggage back to their house and unexpectedly came back and had dragged us into their house too. I was so terrified of them but I reckon they were so impressed by our decency and dignity that they took us into their house and made us comfortable. We lived for quite a time there and they were very friendly too, to think of bandits being friendly, huh. Maybe God shielded us from their evil and made them do well unto us.
Catherine: Oh my god! It must have been a harrowing experience.
Jim: What are you talking about? They were my father’s best friends and they meant to receive us and make us comfortable in the wilderness.
Margaret: Oh God! To think that you had deceived your bride and I thought these bandits were being so amiable and good-natured because of the Almighty’s mercy.
Janet: Like I always say granny “Always use your mind, never be guided by your spirituality”


[George is reading the newspaper and the rest are sitting, Richard as usual being mischievous]
George: Guys, these abductions never seem to have an end. Six children have been abducted and three of their families have been asked for ransom. One abductor has even commanded a family to pay Four hundred thousand dollars or else the family would not hear of their child again. How wicked!
Catherine: To talk of kidnappings, remember when little Richard was kidnapped. He was returned to us after three whole days and during that time I was ill, how heartless of the kidnapper. Those three days were the longest three days of life. The sorrow and pain I endured during that time is boundless.
Jim: To talk of pain, did I tell you the pain I had in my knees hunting wild turkeys in 1962.
All: Oh no! Don’t say that you are going to tell us one of your hunting stories.
Margaret: It was all due to my prayers to God that Richard was returned to us.
Janet: Oh mom! When you had fallen ill the babysitter had come so I had given Richard to her so that she could take care of him and I had in the meantime gone for a sleep-over at Linda’s house. The maid was not aware of this and you instead of inquiring about Richard suffered in silence. How daft, then when I came back the babysitter gave me the baby and I presented him to you, you were so overwhelmed in joy that you didn’t even ask where he came from.
Catherine: And you did not even tell me by yourself, how selfish of you.
Janet: [starts banging her head against the wall]


[The whole of the family is sitting and suddenly George starts speaking]
George: Hey, guys remember when Janet ran away from the house. She was there one night and all of a sudden she disappeared the very next day. Kathy was so distraught that she even stopped eating for a day and started not only when grandpa bought her a pizza.
Catherine: I was so worried about you, I thought you must be undergoing teen troubles. The whole time I was thinking what wrong had I done to you and why had not I understood your problems and loved you more. But now you are much more mature and well behaved now and I am sure you won’t run away.
Janet: [suddenly] But I never ran away.
Catherine: Oh yes you did.
Janet: No you don’t understand, I had gone on a camping trip for a week and you were not available at that moment so I had informed granny of the same. I still wonder that why she did not tell you.
Margaret: No, you never mentioned it.
Janet: You were praying at that time and you even responded by nodding.
Catherine: Janet, you know that when granny prays she only prays she cannot listen at the same time. And that nod of hers must have been an unconscious reflex. You could have at least called me up to ease my suffering.
Jim: To talk of suffering, did I tell you how much I suffered hunting wild elephants at the same time having a cold.
All: Yes, you told us everything about it! [Shouting]


[Grandfather is lying on the ground and everyone arrives]
Janet: Mom, Dad, Granny, look what has happened to grandpa.
George: Not one of his jokes again.
Catherine: [Crowding near him] what happened to grandpa why is he lying on the floor?
George: Ahh! I think he is uh dead
Catherine: What, grandpa dead? It cannot be happening, this is untrue, grandpa, the liveliest and most joyful member of our family dead?
George: Catherine, get a hold on yourself, if you do this, who will handle the kids?
Catherine: But…
Margaret: Catherine, remember that he was a mere mortal, just a bag of flesh and bones. Now he is free from the cruel world and may God grant him paradise. At last we have and he has acquired peace.
Jim: [Suddenly] to speak of peace, did I tell you about the peace I acquired after hunting a pack of wolves.


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